Tripping around the internet is like watching a circle firing squad. I try to avoid it, but inevitably there are topics that interest me, that I have a passion for and I end up reading someone's "news" story, blog or general opinion. No way to avoid it, really, being a world citizen of the intartubes. I work to keep my involvement to a minimum, at the very least. There is always something to be outraged about. Over the years I've learned to modify how I deal with issues on the internet to save myself endless amounts of grief. "Choose your battles" has become the mantra I live by. We all have opinions, it's impossible to agree on everything, but it is possible to be kind when imparting your worldview....and we can skip the hatred and cruelty altogether.
This morning I saw a friend's post on Facebook regarding Will and Jada Smith. The thumbnail was a very attractive shot of Jada's shapely butt and Will's lovely, sculptured arms. The couple was frolicking on a beach with their children somewhere sunny and gorgeous. A moment of family bliss. Apparently it wasn't enough that these two beautiful people are middle-aged and have obviously worked very hard to maintain themselves to Hollywood's ridiculous standards. My Facebook friend's problem came from the comments on the story, which was on TMZ, obviously the lowest common denominator in cheap, tabloid bullshit. He couldn't believe the level of derision and judgement on the part of people who read the article. The comments are so full of hate that it boggles the mind. Will and Jada are called out because they are: "Ugly, bad parents, entitled assholes, have ugly children" and various laments regarding their celebrity stature.
Why is it that people feel free to say hateful things when they hide behind the internet? Chances are they'll never meet the people they are insulting. Is it that anonymity that encourages people to bully other people? How do they believe they can assess personal, private issues of other people and speak about them with any expertise? Maybe they think that the person they are slamming will never see the comment. If that's the case, why even say it? Following the trail of their broken logic leads me to believe that they are looking for approval from their peers, a sad "pat-on-the-back-way-to-go-man!" The kind of thing we used to see in High School. Either that, or they enjoy seeing their own words tear down someone to make themselves feel better. People want to feel powerful, they want to be "winners." "Winning" is seen as "beating up" your rivals, then doing a victory dance in the end-zone. Whatever it is that motivates people to be hateful, it's gawdawful to witness.
What if kindness was seen as a positive attribute in all people? What if empathy was something human beings strove for when determining their place in society?
It's not just celebrities who end up in the cross-hairs of focused hate. Women who speak up against misogyny and patriarchy, gay people who stand up against hate and discrimination, transgender people who are demanding their basic human rights. Hell, anyone who happens to fall into the public spotlight is subject to public scrutiny, cruelty and even death threats.
I think there are many layers to the problem of cruelty in our culture. I do not believe empathy is encouraged in our society. People who are snarky, nasty and mean are seen as "clever" and the bad behavior of ripping other people to shreds is lauded as crafty and funny. We send mixed messages of kindness/cruelty with campaigns against bullies, but on the same flip of a coin we see people campaigning against bullies bullying people themselves. In movies we root for the abused underdog, the downtrodden...and we encourage the bullies, we lift them up to heroic stature. The conflicted models are very visible and obvious. They exist together in a disharmonious claptrap of confusion.
There is also a public shaming of people who stand up against hate-filled dialog. People are told that we are living in a "Culture of Offense" and that if they see/hear something that is offensive to them, they ought to just let it pass without saying anything because "If you're offended it's only because you let yourself be," not that what was said was offensive. Shaming people into silence because you do not agree on what is/is not offensive is bullying. It is. You cannot dictate to others what they find hurtful. Is some of it silly? To you, perhaps. My biggest question here boils down to this: How difficult is it for you to be conscious of other people's feelings, how hard is it for you to be kind?
There have been times in my life where admittedly I did the same thing. Not to the extent that some do, but I said hurtful things to people I'd never meet, comments based on my own insecurities about myself at that time, or judgments I made against other people based on my personal belief system and programming. Today I work to understand other people, their current situations and life experiences. It is not my responsibility to judge people's choices. I think it is ALL of our responsibility to call out bullying, hate and cruelty. Hopefully we can create a movement where we stand up against abusing other people, all people.
Kindness is not difficult. If it is then we're doing something wrong and we ought to have a discussion as to why it's such a Herculean task.
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